


Love Doesn't Kick Down The Door

by Mwasaki



Category: Free!, free - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Character, Character Study, Free style, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Magical Realism, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Second Person, Post-Break Up, everyone has powers, neurodivergent characters, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 08:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20617754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mwasaki/pseuds/Mwasaki
Summary: "It’s over. You would lie to yourself if you said you saw it coming. If you had, you might not be in this situation. But you didn’t. And you are. “It’s over, Natsuya. I can’t do it anymore.” It’s an admission of defeat. You were losing, and you didn’t even know about it."Nao breaks up with Natsuya, and neither of them is happy about it.





	Love Doesn't Kick Down The Door

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Ashe Vernon.

It’s over. You would lie to yourself if you said you saw it coming. If you had, you might not be in this situation. But you didn’t. And you are. “It’s over, Natsuya. I can’t do it anymore.” It’s an admission of defeat. You were losing, and you didn’t even know about it. You open your mouth looking for a reply, for something, for anything. To keep him from leaving. Your vision is blurred but you still see him rise and go through the door. Too fast. You see him rise, look at you with _something _in his eyes that don’t belong there, that shouldn’t be there, not when looking at you. He takes a first step. A second. Third. Open the door, close it. Swiftly. You can almost forget how angry he was. There is nothing left in your apartment to show it. He took the fight with him and left you behind. You wonder if that’s what irony is. It feels bitter on your tongue. Same taste you get when you forget to warm up before training. This time it lasts. There is nothing on your mind, and everything. You almost reach for your phone ready to call _him _to tell _him _how bad you feel. And you can’t. He knows. He is the one hurting you. That’s not fair. You hurt each other after all. You allow yourself to be unfair, you have a right to. He ended things. _You brought it on yourself_ says the voice. The ugly, sad, little voice. The one that you learnt to not listen to. Not worth it. Lying. _You never deserved him_. There is no truth to it, you repeat yourself. Not the truth. Not the reality. _He finally realized he is too good for you_. You jump to your feet, grab your bag and leave the room. You take it out on the door, but there is no reward to it. There is a public pool not too far away. Makoto texted you the address when you came back in Japan a few weeks ago. Started working there. Helping with kids. _Ikuya_. That’s a thought for later.

You don’t warm up. The taste is already there. Will be for a while.

**

Changing school is easy for you. Doesn’t matter. Something new is something exciting. You did have friends back there, but you tell Mum it’s fine. It really is. You never had problems making friends. And the new school has an actual swimming club. You are excited. Mum smiles even though it doesn’t reach her eyes. _I’ll take care of Ikuya! _You always do. Always did. Always will. _That’s not your job darling_. She feels guilty. You hate him for it. So much. Anger isn’t good. It’s just like him. You bury it inside, but it’s boiling beneath the surface. _He is my brother and I love him_. She hugs you. Tight. Everything will be fine. It’s a new start. For the three of you. It’s going to be good. And different. Different is exciting. You’re glad you get to discover something new. You hear soft footsteps behind you and you see Ikuya peeking out. He looks worried. Anxious. _Come here sweetie_. He comes closer but looks uneasy. You forget sometimes that the world doesn’t look like that for others. Ikuya isn’t happy about moving towns, changing school, not knowing his environment. You’re a pair. You won’t let him go through it alone. Never.

**

You’re ready to go. Leave the house. Not yours. Feels weird. It’s only been a week or so. The wound is very much open. Tastes like iron. Where is Ikuya? You hear him before seeing him. In the living room, talking with _him_. “What do you mean it’s over? I don’t get it.” Shit. It comes back to you. You didn’t tell Ikuya. Of course, you didn’t. You fucked up. Natsuya fucked up. What else is new. “I mean, we broke up. I am not dating your brother any longer.” It stings. As if he poked at you with something very sharp. Hearing it makes it real. Real means it’s true. “Why?” You remember. Not easy to forget. Never saw him angry. You wonder if he ever raised his voice like that. Maybe. After all, you’re not around. You came back too late, you think. Or too early. But not at the right time. Hard to do. Timing never was your thing. “We weren’t working out.” Weren’t working out. Did you ever? “Ikuya, believe me. I am sorry you had to learnt it from me. I thought _your brother _would have told you by now.” Of course, he didn’t. “He didn’t.” There’s something sad about the way Ikuya says it. Not sad. Used. Because it’s not surprising. You are here, and then you aren’t. And you take pieces with you and you leave others and you don’t always make sure they go together. There’s a quiet sound and you don’t have to see them to know that Ikuya is crying. Sensitive kid. A crier. Not a public one though. Not like Rin. You’re pretty sure that everyone has seen him cry at least a few times. Very much of a public crier. But a good denier too.

“Ikuya.” You hear a step and you know he is looking at him, but not forcing him to look at him. Patient. “It does change things. But it doesn’t mean I am not your friend. I care about you. I am not going anywhere.” Reason number _who knows _you fell in love with him. He is good with your family. With your mum. With Ikuya. Not out of any obligation towards yourself. Because he cares. “I’m sorry I’m so dumb I’m sorry I’m” “You are certainly not. You’re allowed to cry. Crying doesn’t make you dumb.” There’s a pause and you hear him breathes in and out again and again and “At least you’re not an ugly crier like Rin. I can tell you that.” He laughs, and you would too if you weren’t so full of iron in your mouth. It’s been a few days. Only been a few days. You didn’t even change your name contact for him. “I’m sorry I need to go he is waiting for me and he is driving and there’s the curfew and I didn’t sign and” “Breathe.” You do too. Take a breath in and out and “Here you are!” You sound cheerful. Good. “You ready kid?” He rolls his eyes at you. “I’m in college.” “Yeah sure. Been what? Two months?” He walks past you, a storm in the making and you hear the entry door. It’s only the two of you. His hair is growing out, you notice absently. “You should have told him.” “Don’t” It comes out sharper than you intended. He doesn’t show any sign of surprise. There’s the look in his eyes and it’s too much. You leave the house. Not yours. Ikuya is seating in the car behind with Hiyori. There’s nobody to sit beside you.

**

He is sitting at the edge of the pool, feet in it, looking at someone still in the water. Ever since meeting him a few days ago, you’ve been around each other. You are members of the same team after all. Cooperation is key. There is something else though. A feeling of clicking the right way. You wonder if he feels the same way. He smiles as some kid from the team, seven graders just like Ikuya, comes in and gesticulates at the other one in the pool. He takes his time shaking his hair, looks in front of him and while sighting does take the extended hand the other one offers. You are terrible with names but great with faces. The dark-haired one, who only _looks _bothered is in the same class as Ikuya is in. You have also seen the taller one interacting with your brother around the swimming pool. A nice kid. They both walk past you “Good afternoon Kirishima-sempai, Serizawa-sempai” and he waves back. He is one of the managers of the team, meaning that he gets to clean up behind everyone. You’re helping him out this week. New person every time. Good for team building! said your coach while leaving earlier. Very good indeed. “Ready to lock up Kirishima-kun?” “It’s Natsuya.” “Works both ways.” He smiles. Crinkles his eyes. You’re taken a bit by surprise. It’s earnest. He rises, and you almost think of reaching out and offering a hand but why would you. He doesn’t need it. He is fine of his own. “Let’s do this. I don’t want to make Ikuya wait too long.” He tilts his head. “Your little brother, right? Same class as Nanase-kun.” The tone is casual, but you feel the rhetoric in the question. He must be better at names and faces than you. “Yeah. Swimming runs in the family I guess.” You hope it’s the only thing that does. That Ikuya doesn’t have the same _gift _as you do. Hard enough like that. You wait for an answer something to hold on to and keep on talking. He hums quietly and starts picking up things left behind. Goddamn teenagers.

**

“Mother didn’t like it long. I cut it.” You stare at his hair, short, shorter. He is trying to laugh it off, shaking his head, everything is fine his body language says. Liar. You’re starting to know, to understand. Before summer it was long and _silky_, now it’s short, and it’s making him unhappy, you know it. “Next year we’ll be in high school, he adds. She told me it’s…inappropriate for such an age.” You almost ask why and what high school is she sending him to, and will he be far from you but you bite down your tongue. You’re both sitting on a bench, before practice starts. Catching up. You like being around him. Him. In person. You love the attention of groups and people and friends and comrades and teammates but you’re learning that you really like having his attention. You both clicked and click and click and something quiet is there between you and it’s different and good. You wonder what he wants you to hear, and you tell what you want to say. Maybe these are both the same things. “You look good. Short hair or long hair.” He stares at you, a surprised look in his eyes and something like a blush starts to appear on his skin. He is on the pale side, like Ikuya. You took after your father and you get tanned in summer. You hate it. “I mean” you say, and you don’t know why your mouth is still running which is an issue you always had but something that he never comments on. “It should be your choice. What do you like better?” “Long.” He doesn’t hesitate, and you smile wide and you feel summer on your skin when he smiles back. “We’ll get there. It’ll grow back.” It’s a promise. I’ll see it, you don’t say, and he knows. He hums and your attention switches to some noise and you see your teammates after hearing them. Rin is gesticulating and signing about something that Haruka is disagreeing with and in between them Makoto is trying to follow them both. Classic. He smiles at them and they wave, and training starts. You look at his back as he stands up. Sunshine of his neck.

**

You didn’t plan this, and you didn’t want this. It’s chance, and chance isn’t always a good thing. You almost want to slowly back up and pretend you didn’t see each other. “Hi” you finally manage and it’s already a lot. It tastes like iron and you thought the taste was gone for good it’s been a few months and you’re back from Germany where you spent summer and he is there. Still there. Always there. You aren’t. The problem is the same, always the same, never changing or maybe it’s resolved on his part because he is definitively holding someone’s else hand and the someone’s else is looking at you and then him and then you again. “Hi” he answers back, and you realize how much you missed his voice missed him misses him misses his voice. Keeping busy and then leaving the country and then keeping busy is your solution for heartbreak. His is moving on, you figure out. You don’t know that person’s name, but you do know their face it’s one of his friends you saw them on pictures and online, even though he is rather not interested in such things. You like posting pictures of places and dumb selfies but not so much about family and friends you share that. You did like letting the world knowing about you too though. Literally. You always talked about your _boyfriend _to people all around while traveling. “How are you doing? I just came back from Europe. Well, a few days ago. Summer was nice there.” You can’t stop yourself you have to fill the silence it’s making you anxious and you don’t like the feeling, so you don’t stop yourself. “Well, thank you.” He hesitates you know it you can _feel _it deep down in your bones it’s both a figure of speech and literal you wonder if he can still feel you your aura but it’s not the right place. Not the right time. “Natsuya, this is Akira-chan. Akira Tsumoto. She is my friend. And girlfriend.” “Nice to finally meet you in person, Kirishima-kun.” She smiles wide and friendly. But her eyes don’t follow you can see it perfectly. She knows your name. He talked about you.

You broke his heart you bet he tells her and that’s not wrong but it’s also missing the other half of the story. The one in which he broke your heart and you’re not sure you have all the pieces to start anew. If you want to start again. He still holds pieces of it you know it, and this is so much and too little and you wish you didn’t have to know he is fine. He is dating, and he is fine, and he looked and sounded so happy before seeing you because now he looks at you with sadness and something like regret. Probably regret to have spent so much time with you. _You’re not enough_. “Likewise. I’m sorry I really have to go, I’m helping at Ikuya’s school. Guess who’s an invited guest coach or whatever the hell that means? Well, that’s me. See you around!” You wave and don’t wait for either of them to reply and start moving when you hear him says “Congratulations on your victory in Germany. You deserved that.” You stop and turn around and he is smiling a bit, looking at you, not avoiding your eyes this time and you know he is genuine. It’s not out of politeness he means it he means it what does it mean? It sounds like he wants to try. Wants to be friendly. Friends maybe. Does he miss you like you miss him? You remember a life without him before moving to Iwatobi before meeting him for the first time before talking to him for the first time before touching him for the first time before a lot of first and a lot of last. You also remember a life with him and he still is in your life in _Ikuya’s and your mom’s _for fuck’s sake. You remember thinking it would be forever and you feel silly and sick thinking of it now when he is holding someone’s else hand. You didn’t see the signs. Forever wasn’t it for him. You wish you could just touch him and let him read you like you did sometimes when words couldn’t be enough or would be too little and you think it’s also part of the problem. You let him know you and you forgot to ask him the same things. You forgot. “Gold suits me best” you hear yourself say and it’s a lie because _silver _looks so much better in your hands and he knows it, but he has the kindness of staying silent. The pity to not answer. This time you go, and you don’t turn around.

**

You can’t avoid him any longer and the wound is so much open because it’s only been two days since you saw him with _Akira-chan _but you don’t have a choice because there is a goddamn _something _in your brother’s school and you need to find it what and he has always been helpful and also there and you weren’t so it’s not like you have a choice. You’re the first there in his house his professor’s house the one who let him live there to catsit even though you’re not sure which cat is technically the one who has to be looked after in the very same living room you broke each other’s hearts. The irony of it all. You’re pretty sure your friends lied about the meeting time so you would be there before and alone with him and you are both reading in silence and you pretend you’re not enjoying the coffee he made you just like you always take it. “I would like us to try and be friends.” You look up and blink a few times. “What?” “I would like us to try and stay friends. Be friends again? We’ve been avoiding each other, and I understand why. I would understand if you say no, Natsuya. I will respect your decision.” He has put a strand of hair behind his ear some hair that’s not in his bun, loose and threatening to spill over and you know how it feels in your hands on your skin how _he _feels, and you have to stop this train of thought. “I miss you” he blurts out and his hand fly to his mouth almost as if it would stop the words from spilling out. You want to be mean to say no you don’t you replaced me so quickly you want to make him feel bad because you feel bad and you wish you didn’t even think that because he doesn’t deserve it and you’re a bad person for thinking that _your father’s son_. “I’m sorry that’s not fair on you. Please discard all I said.” “I miss you too” you say and it’s true you missed him going away and you miss him now and when you don’t see him and you miss him right now because there’s a table and a breakup between you and even worse than that there’s mistrust and you never wished for that. “I want us to be friends again let’s try.” You’re almost thankful for your friends because he is smiling at you actually smiling with wrinkles around his eyes and you don’t feel the iron in your mouth and veins.

**

“I have something to tell you.” You hook one of your ankles with one of his to get his attention and he turns his head and tilts it slightly humming quietly to make you know that he is listening to you. You’re sitting outside your mum’s house in the garden it’s too hot but it’s summer which means summer’s vacation and he is in your house finishing some ice cream and his hair has gotten longer. His parents are out of the country which means almost freedom and he chooses to spend his time with you and it’s making you happy and your family too because they like him, welcome him and you know he feels both weirded out by this and great about it. He doesn’t move his ankle and let you balance your feet slightly incapable of staying in place like always and you’re nervous because you trust him you do but you are going to tell him about _it _and there’s a chance he won’t believe you or worst won’t believe you and thinks you’re crazy and won’t be your friend anymore and you’re not sure you want to risk it all. “I know how it’s going to sound but I need you to listen to me. I can’t make you do it, but I would like it if you’ll still be my friend after. Might be weird though.” He stops humming and there’s a slight look of worry on his face and a blush that creeps on his face, but it could be the heat and you wish you were at the beach, but you wanted quiet and somewhere you feel at home. Family is your home. This house is. “I” you start, and you make yourself look at him in the eyes and green so much green. “I can make people say stuff. Maybe do stuff. With my words. I can ask them to tell me something. Even if they didn’t really want to? I feel like it’s easier if they do, but I could make someone tell the truth, I think. I have a power? I don’t know how to tell it otherwise. And I’m not alone. Some…people know. I wanted to tell you, but you might have not trusted me and now you might think I’m crazy but I’m not lying and I know it’s really weird. I’m not using it! I don’t want people to do something they don’t want but I had to sometimes. I never used it with you I would never, you know that?” He laughs and you don’t know why, and you think he is mocking you maybe, but he hasn’t moved his ankle is still against yours. “Oh, Natsuya. I know you would never do that.” He manages to stop laughing and you think you’re missing something, but he is looking at you and green green green. “I believe you. I do. I…I’m like you. I can do something other people can’t.” You almost stop breathing because he is like you like you like you, you’re not alone you knew it, but _he _is like you and believe you and still want to be your friend and you’re so happy you feel like you could cry.

“Can I” he starts, and the blushing is back “holdyourhand?” You put your hands in his and he covers it with both of his and you feel _something _and then “You’re thinking about not being alone. You’re relieved because I’m like you. And I’m still your friends, of course I would be Natsuya. Like me. Like…Rin? And, Makoto and Haruka. That’s your secret but that’s also mine. Well, I guessed it. I can…read feelings? Not really minds, but feelings and associations and images when I touch someone. When I concentrate on doing so. Don’t feel guilty, I knew for them, but they don’t. I’ve been…helping them out. We should tell them about it, it’ll be easier for everyone involved. Safer too. I’m not pinching you, you’re not dreaming.” He smiles again and that’s a sight you’re fond of and his blush gets redder and you try and think of something else because he is still holding your hands and it’s making him uncomfortable and you didn’t want that but you also are touching his hands and it’s new and it’s _strange _but strange in a good way so you move his upper hand and link your right hand with his left squeeze it once and bump your shoulder against his so he looks at you. “Is this fine?” You’ve learnt that his parents aren’t touchy-feely people and that he longs for the things they’re not giving him but isn’t even sure how to formulate it. Your mum is like you a bit handy and at the same time jumpy around unfamiliar touches thanks to your _dad_. You don’t let him win just like your mum and she tells you you’re so strong so brave and you’re not sure you are. His face is closer you thought it would be citrus and sweat and green. “Yes.”

**

“So, what’s your type of girl, Kirishima?” “I would like my girlfriend to be a red-head.” Someone adds. “Long legs.” “Short and cute.” “Sportive!” “She needs to know how to cook.” Valentine is around the corner which also means that your second year of high school is coming to an end. “Kirishima? You’re into girls, right?” You are. You like girls and also boys and you’ve never hidden it but of course most of your high school _boys’ _friends would be asking about girl and you only mind it because it’s so cliché. You remember telling your mum and how welcoming and loving she was because that’s your mum and then you remember her trying to tell you about _sex _with _people _and you don’t want to think of that. Ikuya was laughing so much and only when you told him that his turn was coming, he stopped and looked at your mum in horror. You also told _him _before entering high school. Coming out seemed so simple with them. “Yes, I am. I’m bi, I told you.” “So? What’s your type of girl? Bet you would like someone who’s into sports cause you are.” “Or maybe someone very feminine to contrast!” “So, which one is right?” You think of sports and swimming and training and he isn’t swimming anymore because he can’t because of his eyes but he still is in the club as a manager just like before and it’s not the same and not enough and you both feel that way and maybe one day he could go back to it and you want him to since he loves it but you also want him to share it with you. You think of him and long hair longer hair and green eyes and _silver _and a laugh that he doesn’t try to hide anymore and talking with Ikuya about fairy tales and knowing about it and telling you that he read about it to share with your brother and helping with dishes at your house where he is always welcomed. You think and “Why did you broke up with Anya again? She’s so cool and so hot, dude.” Your ex-girlfriend if a few weeks and dates count, and it does, and you liked her very much but neither of you was in love and it was more about being compatible and friendly and wanting a first kiss and such than anything else. You think about Reiji with whom you went to a few dates during winter and broke up just like with Anya, friendly and without any hurt because it was mutual and nice for what it was. You’ve never been in love even though you loved them, and you wonder what the difference really is. Maybe there’s none.

“Saved by the gong” someone says, and you look up and sees him walking towards you and your friends saying hi to a few of them. He is already ready to go, and you get your things together to walk towards the station together as you always do. “Serizawa-kun, you’ve got to know! What type of girls does Natsuya like?” Silver hair tucked under his ear you know it means something like I’m not sure or this is bothering me or I need a minute to think or what did you just say. You want to say something like let it go but you’re also curious. “Well, someone who would respect his…free spirit but would call him out on his bullshit when needed.” You didn’t expect that didn’t expect an answer to answer and you think of it and he is _right _because looks don’t matter, and he said _someone, _and he is smiling at you not the others almost a question. “Also, someone with a watch because he is never on time and we’re going to be late, so we have to go” You say bye quickly taking your stuff in a hurry but still waving to a few people while leaving the room and following him. You lean slightly on him when seating in the train warm and you want to say something like you get me you understand me you know me, but you feel like it’s not the right place and time, so you keep quiet. He doesn’t move.

**

“How did you know you were in love?” You frown and look at Rin who’s asking with a detached look in his eyes, but the tone of his voice tells you it’s an act a bad one and he stops drying the dish he is holding. You can hear the noises the other are making in the dining room cause of course there is a dining room in this house, and you don’t stop cleaning up the dishes. Your hands are in the water and you think of the sea. “You don’t have to answer, I get it if it’s too soon.” It’s not you think it’s been a few months and you’re now talking again and interacting even when others are not around, and the wound is still there of course but it’s less painful because you didn’t lose him his friendship and it’s easier. “Why are you asking kid?” He rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything for a second. Bites down his lip sharp teeth. “I would love to say my romantic life’s a mess because that would mean it exists but all I do is go on dates and it never goes beyond and I feel like I’m missing something. How do I know I’m in love, the big fucking kind?” For all his bravado he has always been on the sensitive side. Fire and feelings. Remind you of yourself and you wish him that he won’t let himself be in your position one day. “You’re 18. You have a lifetime, I don’t think you’re missing anything if you haven’t found someone right now. There’s nothing wrong with that and nothing wrong with just dates.” “You were dating _him _when you were my age.” You look pointedly at him and you don’t have to say it. “Sorry didn’t mean it like that. Just that, you did fall in love at my age. Right?” You don’t think that you _fell _in love as much as _went _in love because it’s always been the way you thought of it. You loved others before dating him and you liked others and kissed others, but you never were in love before and that’s the difference. People told you that he was the first but won’t be the last of course you’re so young and it’ll get better others are out there ready to love and fall in love with you, but nobody asked you if you wanted that. Does Rin want that? You think of the possible heartbreak and you don’t tell him that love is bad and will hurt you because it’s not true and true and everyone deserves to be loved and love and there’s so much good in that. Is he thinking of someone you know? Being in love with your friend your best friend made it so great and that’s why you worked and then didn’t. You loved him in so many ways and you still do but are you still in love with him is another question.

“I told him I would be leaving Japan during the summer of our last year of high school and would come back for graduation because I had an opportunity to go train in the US and he told me to work on my grammar before doing so.” He didn’t told you not to you’re too young it’s bullshit you might not be able to also study what if you don’t graduate and you’re stuck having to do the year again we’re supposed to go to Tokyo together what about your mum and Ikuya won’t they want to stay here what about the swimming club here and the beach. “I don’t get it. You realized you were in love cause you suck at English?” You laugh and yes, it is. You realized a feeling that had been growing for months maybe years and he confessed to you a month after and this is yours and yours alone and you kept it that way because you were leaving and you both wanted privacy but you also remembered telling your mum about being in love and not telling it’s him because you were _scared_. “I know it’s cliché, but you will understand it. You will feel it when it happens. It’s different from friendship and other loves and not better or superior, but it’s unique and I promise you won’t miss it when it’s under your eyes. Sorry buddy I couldn’t be of any more help.” You smile sheepishly and he shrugs no harm done there.

**

“My father is dying. Cancer. He has a few weeks if he is lucky. Mother asked me to come to see him.” “Don’t” you say, and you don’t even pretend you’re sorry for saying so because it’s the truth and you won’t let him go and see his parents. They don’t deserve him never did never will and he has every right to be angry at them, but he doesn’t do anger outwards. Halloween is coming and you see bats in the café you’re both sitting right now, and he stops drinking his latte to look at you. “You wanted my opinion, or you wouldn’t have told me. So, I’m giving it to you. Don’t go.” They’re going to hurt you right before dying and they can and they will and your mother will still be very much alive and will blame it on you one way or another and you haven’t met them in person since a long time and it’s better that way you have a family a family that loves you it’s mine but is it still. “Thank you Natsuya. I won’t.” It’s enough for now and you get it. You want to touch him to touch his hand to be there there for him but it’s both your place as his friend and not yours. It’s someone’s else. You’re learning that you are fine with it.

**

You’re both in college now and you’re celebrating in his apartment right now his not his parents the one he got with his own money through hard work and scholarship and you’re both in Tokyo a bit drunk on happiness and you’re not in the same school but it doesn’t matter you’re not far from each other and you have the key to his and he has to key to yours and you made it through the first week together. Together. Your boyfriend. Boyfriend. The word alone makes you giddy and happy and you know he feels the same way. You kiss him and hands and skin skin skin but not enough not against yours completely and you feel your blood and it’s hot and you stop kissing him feeling both too much and too little, but you don’t want him to know because this is fine and enough. You tell him I’ll go and make us some tea and he let you.

**

Asahi and Kisumi announces to all of you that they’re dating now and they’re both a bit red but so happy and it’s new they tell a few weeks and they wanted you to know. Asahi’s sister café is empty except for you and the others because it’s a Sunday and Sundays are for meetings and this place has become your unofficial meeting place when you’re not meeting at his place. You hear noise and words and congratulations, and I can’t believe it! and I can believe it and there is surprise but also understanding because it makes sense and what took you so long and gentle mocking and support. “I’m happy for them.” He says and you turn towards his voice sitting next to you but both respecting each other personal space because you do that now. Remember when _we _told them you want to say but you bite down the words. When Ikuya caught us making out in my room back in Iwatobi. When I told my mum at Christmas when you came for the first time to celebrate with us and she knew and she reassured me and I told her I loved you I was in love with you and she was so happy it was you and I was happy and you were. “I’m happy too.” It doesn’t taste as bitter as it was.

You are moving on.

**

“Have a nice Christmas, Ikuya. You too Hiyori.” They both say thanks and you too and see you in January. Walk out the room, whispering about something and you stare at them, at the space lack of space between them and you frown. “It’s not polite to stare.” There is a laughter in his voice and you turn your head towards him. “That’s my little brother” you can’t help your tone “and I will stare if I want to.” He tilts his head and you see how much fun he is having at your weird protectiveness towards Ikuya who isn’t 13 anymore, but a young college student. It will never matter that’s your baby brother he was once always will be and you know he understands. How much he also cares also wants the best for him. “Have a nice holiday, Natsuya. Say hi to your mother for me.” His tone is happy but you know what it means. Say hi to her cause I won’t say hi to her this year face to face. “What are you going to do to celebrate?” you ask change the subject. “I’m going to my—” he cuts himself, catches himself and you don’t like it. “To some of my friends.”

You want to touch him, say stop fucking lying to me, what are you going to do, but he has made a choice and you should respect it. He meant with his girlfriend didn’t he? He still doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, you guess, and that’s all there is to it.

**

He didn’t.

**

He calls and does not ask, but instead _I need you, I made a mistake, I’m sorry, I should have listened to you, I’m so dumb_ and you cut him off. I’ll be there, I’m coming, give me an hour. You don’t hang up, catch your keys in the other hand and leave your place.

It isn’t bitter anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. This work is supposed to be a side-story from an AU I have been working on, but haven't been writing enough.


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